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Project Novel

Wed Jul 15, 2009, 8:02 PM
Though I doubt most of you will have time to read this, and that I will most likely be off doing not writing related stuff, so why, you may ask, am I even writing this. First of all, I am, because I have the freaking load of time to do it. Second, I'll be out this weekend for a 1 night, 1 day trip to Portland. Plus, I absolutely LOVE helpful critique, mind you, HELPFUL. xD Because I know there are some who would probably just say, 'yeah, sounds great'. Lastly, some of you probably know that I'm not to good at continuing stories. The only story I ever finished (and want to add more to, but can't find), was in 5th grade. So, make sure that I don't drop this one, because I love it very much.


P.S. I have a title, but it is subject to change, and therefore, not to be released quite yet. ;] In addition, about half of what I'm typing for the synopsis (down there)... I'm making up as I go... >.>'''


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(Side note, most of the quotes I've put in here, are not in the actual version. xD They just made the synopsis more entertaining for me.)

The story begins as a chase in Hell. This version of Hell, is probably quite different from what you'd normally think. It's not a flaming pit of doom, and filled with demons. No, Hell is a city whose skies are always gray, and where shadow-beasts feast from the alleys on the unsuspecting souls. However, these souls have not all committed sins. Some do not have memories of their life, or have glimpses, but not enough to know their reason for being in Hell.

Strictly, when a shadow-beast begins a chase, it is a simple 1-on-1 chase. It is as if the soul were taken to a new dimension. One where only they and the beast exist. A do-or-die situation if you please.

But what if, there were some being capable of existing in this 'new' dimension, whose place in the universe stands neutral; whose job is simply to watch over. They are the 'Watchers', immortal beings with no strict area of 'living space'. But all stand by a simple code, 'to not meddle in the affairs of others'.

Of course, with rules, one must want to break them. Or is simple, that an 'oh-so-important-job' has become a game. A simple game, toying with death, lives, and what should not happen.

But there are consequences. There always are, after all.

Names are power. Names have meanings. Words are poison.

A game that one has brought on oneself to become bound to another.





He has no memories of why he is here, he simply know, "This is Hell, and I am running for my life. Shit." And running through the rainy, cobbled streets, he meets a 'very far from ordinary' person, considering that not just anyone can change from the form of a bird.

A Watcher, he calls himself. One that stands neutral in the universe. He says he has gained abilities, simply by living in Hell.

But there is no trust.

Not until the last moment.

The last moment, where one may think, "Crap, where'd I screw up." And then the untrustworthy says he can save him.

Words are power.

Dreams are memories.

Once spoken, the path cannot change. And when the final word is spoken, the one who realizes the mistake, is the one who has given the opportunity.

"Athanase".

And the world is gone.


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Just to say, the final quote, is the name of a character. Like said, I always liked how names have power. Might seem a bit cliche, but, from a person with two names herself, it is not very out of the ordinary (besides the power part). Anyway, this is just a sketchy outline. And what, you may ask, will happen next. To simply put it: I don't know. Seriously, I don't know. xD I was just like, 'Weeee, this setting would be super awesome to do, and Faust should be in it!' So yeah, this is the outcome. I like to throw everything out, and make do as things come.

So yeah, anyway, critique please.

Oh, by the way, ~Rozenincarnate can I dub you beta-reader? xD

  • Mood: Big Grin
  • Listening to: My Own Worst Enemy
  • Reading: Manga
  • Watching: CSI
  • Playing: Rock Band 2
  • Eating: Shrimp Chips
  • Drinking: Ribena

Devious Comments

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:iconrozenincarnate:
Cool, my title is now 'Beta-Reader Rozenincarnate ^^'

First off, I like the setting idea A LOT. I mean it. I personally LOVE grey skies to no end, so that gets plus points for me. I'm also a big fan of Faust in all his incarnations(as I'm sure you know ^^.)

"He says he has gained abilities, simply by living in Hell."

So, do all denizens of hell gain abilities simply by living in hell, or, is it something unique to the 'Watcher?' You may want to expand on that or it might confuse the reader. Perhaps neutrality between the realms grants these abilities? Is there only one watcher or only one person between the realms? Because you should also expand on that.

I think the idea sounds REALLY cool and I can't wait to read it ^^. Sounds like its gonna be a PAGE TURNER!

--
"Fancy thinking the Beast was something you could hunt and kill! You knew, didn’t you? I’m part of you? Close, close, close! I’m the reason why it’s no go? Why things are what they are?"

-Lord of the Flies
:iconturbosilver:
Lawl(iet). Thankies.

Rather, for Watchers, I was thinking that gaining the abilities is like a defense act, explicit for Watchers (although I do like your idea). I was thinking that they would be a group, existing to 'watch'.

I think I'll probably shove most of the explanations in the first chapter.

So, thanks for the super critique! I'll put up the Prologue in a moment (since I already had it written).

(Oh, crap. xD Now there are going to be 2 Page Turners. More time to kill. rofl.)
:iconmizutorrent:
I'll have to critique this later. Also; I'm not good at doing written critique, do you think I could just re-write the parts that bother me or write notes all over it or something? xD

--
"Fucking great. I'm stuck with an objectively confused teenager and a sexually frigid chinese pimp wannabe..."
:iconturbosilver:
xD Just give me an overall idea, so I know what to improve on.
:iconmizutorrent:
I'll try to get back to you on that, my brain is fried.

--
"Fucking great. I'm stuck with an objectively confused teenager and a sexually frigid chinese pimp wannabe..."

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