A Game of Toys | Prologue; Troubled Distances
Streaking through the rainy, cobbled streets that were slick from the drenching grey clouds, a darkly dressed teenaged boy darted through the maze of alleys. Silver hair clung to his pale skin, as bright blue eyes scanned the streets.
Far above the city, a crows undoubting red eyes watched the chase with amusement, as it rested on a tree that overlooked the event. Having watched enough, the crow swooped in front of the boy, regaining control of its mortal appearance, causing blue eyes to replace the red, otherwise similar to the boy if not for being taller and having black hair. He presented a thin smile to the boy as he floated in front, care for some help?
I dont trust people who happen to pop out of the air from a bird, the boy said, narrowing his eyes while running.
There was a slight grin as he followed, Dont trust? Let me help you, do you dislike being chased? Since, as it so happens, I am quite bored at the moment, care to entertain me? There was an unnerving smile.
Then talk, fast; what exactly are you?
Perhaps in your language it would be best to say as to call me a
Watcher. One who is neither angel nor demon, disregarding the fact that I have chosen to reside within Hell, by which gaining
abilities. His eyes glimmered as a plume of fire gave birth from the palm of his hand.
Inadvertently stopping in his escape, How does this help me? Im running from a giant
thing
that is gettingoh my g, trying to scramble away, he stared at the shadowy beast that stood no more than several feet away. Help
? he gave a weak smile.
Dusting off his nails on the front of his shirt, he gave a curt glance at them, before giving a short blow, Are you an idnope, he replied, managing to gain control of his words before smirking, and then wagged his finger, someone wasnt polite and didnt listen.
Fine, fine! What do you want? He shrieked, still trying to escape.
There was a faint glimmer in the Watchers eye, What do I want, huh
give me some time to think about it.
Could you at least kill this thing first? Flailing his arms in the air, he hesitated. Air? Why was he in the air? Glancing behind, he felt his body go numb as tentacles erupted from the body of the creature, snatching him into the air.
There was a grim smile, then say it.
Breathing hard, he winced as the creatures grip tightened, I dont
know what youre talking about
But as he felt a rush of memories, sifting through, he turned his gaze away from the Watcher.
You do know them, there was a faint glimmer in his eyes. Say them, and I will save you.
Sullen face fell further, as he felt beads of sweat trickle down, I call upon the Heavenly Ancestors who so decreed this to be, that I should be to the Watcher before me, who exist to see all deeds, and to become my shield in this world, I name this Watcher and Protector: Morfran. Thus from Beyond, answer my call, for I am.
Ishmael? A foolish, happy grin spread across Morfrans face as the boy glared.
Continuing on, he released the final key with his last breath, Athanase. A low growl rumbled in the distance, and the name remained ringing in the cold air. Gasping for air, the boy was thrown into a sea of darkness, with no notion of time or location.














Comments
Though, I do have one little irk.
"Sullen face fell further, as he felt beads of sweat trickle down, I call upon the Heavenly Ancestors who so decreed this to be, that I should be to the Watcher before me, who exist to see all deeds, and to become my shield in this world, I name this Watcher and Protector: Morfran. Thus from Beyond, answer my call, for I am.
How does he know what to say? Is it some instinctual thing that all denizens of hell know, is this incantation a sort of special contract between 'shield' and 'not-shield?' Was he just improvising some words to try and get the man to help him?
And why was he being chased? Just because he's in hell? If so I guess I can live with that.
I definitely know I'm going to like this story and I'll be sure to keep you writing it ^^. Sorry this critique is so short >.< But theres not much I can find wrong with it ^^
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"Fancy thinking the Beast was something you could hunt and kill! You knew, didnt you? Im part of you? Close, close, close! Im the reason why its no go? Why things are what they are?"
-Lord of the Flies
It's the:
"There was a grim smile, “then say it.”
Breathing hard, he winced as the creature’s grip tightened, “I don’t… know what you’re talking about…” But as he felt a rush of memories, sifting through, he turned his gaze away from the Watcher.
“You do know them,” there was a faint glimmer in his eyes. “Say them, and I will save you.”"
Basically, someone told him how in his memories. xD
As for being chased... I think the reason is because... it's Hell... there are lots of 'fun' games... xD
Thankies for the critique. Super helpful. x]
I really do like the story.
PAGE TURNER!
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"Fancy thinking the Beast was something you could hunt and kill! You knew, didnt you? Im part of you? Close, close, close! Im the reason why its no go? Why things are what they are?"
-Lord of the Flies
Yush. -preparing mind for next chapter-
Now that you've got a story down, the question is not whether it is good or will become good, but rather can you stick with it, for good or worse?
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Read my story!
[link]
And besides... I thought you didn't like Faust... ? (He's in it, you know...)
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